When a parent lives alone, what to put in place
Most of what helps is cheap and a little boring, and all of it is easier to sort out on a good day than in a hurry. This is the list we would want for our own parents.
Updated
Start with a conversation, not a device
Ask her what worries her, and what she would hate. Plenty of people who live alone are not afraid of being alone. They are afraid of lying on the floor for a day before anybody notices, or of being moved somewhere they did not choose. A plan that respects the second worry gets used. A plan that ignores it ends up in a drawer.
Agree on what counts as something being wrong, and who she would want to hear from first. Write it down.
A key, and somebody close who has it
The most useful thing on a bad day is a person ten minutes away who can open the door: a neighbor, a friend from church, the building manager. Make sure they have a key or the code to a lockbox, and that they know they are on the list.
If nobody lives close, ask her local police or fire department whether they run anything for residents who live alone. Some towns do. Ask rather than assume. The free call programs page says where else to look, and checking on a parent far away covers the rest of the long-distance setup.
One sheet of paper on the fridge
- Her full name, date of birth and address.
- Her doctors and their phone numbers.
- Her medicines and doses, and any allergies.
- Who to call, in order, with their numbers.
- Where the spare key is.
The fridge door is where a paramedic or a neighbor will think to look. Keep a photo of the sheet on your own phone as well, and update it when a prescription changes.
A phone that works, within reach
Check that her phone is charged, loud enough, and not at the bottom of a bag in another room. A cordless landline handset with a loud ringer next to her chair often does more than a smartphone she does not carry. Put 911 and your own number on a large printed card beside it.
A daily sign that she is fine
The single most useful habit is a fixed daily contact: a call, a text, a neighbor who checks that the curtains are open. What matters is that it happens at the same time every day, and that somebody notices the day it does not.
Families usually do this themselves, and it works until the person doing it gets sick, goes on vacation or simply wears out. That is where a daily check-in call helps. It rings every morning without anybody having to remember, and it tells you when she does not answer.
Know what you will do if she does not answer
Decide now, while nothing is wrong: how long you wait, who you call, and when you ask the police for a welfare check. The steps for that day have their own page.
Questions
- How often should I check on a parent who lives alone?
- Once a day at a fixed time is what most families settle on. The number of calls matters less than noticing quickly when one is missed.
- What should I set up first?
- A person nearby with a key, and one written sheet with her doctors, medicines and contacts. Neither costs anything.